For Domestic Violence Survivors

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence, also called “intimate partner violence” or abuse, is the systematic diminishment of a partner in which one partner uses various behaviors to gain power and control over the other partner. An abusive partner uses a wide range of behaviors to belittle their partner, exert power over them, and coercively control them– these behaviors are categorized as forms of verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, digital, and financial abuse. Though most people think of abuse as “battering” or physical harm, many survivors often report that the effects of emotional abuse, coercion, financial abuse, and gaslighting are far more impactful than a physical assault.

I believe this is an important awareness campaign because 1 in 3 women in Texas experiences abuse by a partner. Men also experience intimate partner violence, with about 1 in 7 men in the US reporting severe physical abuse. Though this is unfortunately too prevalent in our communities, there is still so much stigma surrounding abuse, and many survivors may be quietly carrying their pain and trauma after an abusive relationship, suffering alone and just trying to “move on”. 

If you’re reading this, you may be one of those survivors, and I’m so glad you have found this page. As a therapist with over 8 years of training and experience working with survivors of intimate partner violence and abuse, there are some things I want survivors to know:

• You are not alone: because an abusive partner has isolated you, maybe you find that you do not have anyone else to talk to, or friends or family do not understand your concerns, or maybe you’re feeling afraid to bring it up. But talking with someone with special expertise in abusive relationships and trauma can be incredibly helpful in the healing process. 

• You are not "crazy": an abusive partner wants you to think you are going crazy or there is something wrong with you. Abusive partners will gaslight you, convincing you that you have mental problems or you’re losing it. But you are not crazy, and there is nothing inherently wrong with you. If you are struggling with trauma symptoms, that’s a sign that you have been severely mistreated, not a sign that you are severely weak or crazy.

• Abuse is never your fault: an abusive partner may blame you for their abuse, saying it was your fault for what they said or did. They will intentionally manipulate you into believing you are the cause of all the problems. But there is no excuse for someone’s choice to harm their partner. You are not to blame and this is not your fault. 

You deserve a safe, healthy relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve healing. 

If you are starting to question if you’re in an abusive relationship, or feeling trapped in an abusive situation, or you’re out of an abusive relationship and trying to move on, you deserve to get support. I am currently accepting new clients for individual therapy and can support you with specialized, trauma-informed domestic violence counseling to help you in your journey of healing after abuse. If you’re ready to get help, reach out and let’s talk.

If you are currently in danger and in need of immediate, crisis support or shelter due to abuse, please contact Genesis Women's Shelter & Support in the Dallas-Fort Worth region, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline, to get help.